The Man Who Loved Wicked :
A Short Story
the man who loved Wicked
“I want another baby,” I said, striking without giving myself time to overthink, without giving myself time to tuck this need into the tiny, neat compartment it’d been festering in for some time now. Caleb was getting older, and neither of us were getting any younger, the latter of which would not be the right thing to say to Bash, not with the mood he’d been in lately.
Sebastian eyed me over the rim of his glasses to where I stood in the doorway of his study. When I didn’t curl in on myself or backtrack under the heft of his gaze, he tore his specs off, tossing them onto the thick pile of exams he’d been grading, rubbing his eyes before beckoning me to him.
I pushed off the door jamb and ambled over, hopping onto his desk once he’d slid his chair back to make room for me. He sighed, scooting in and wrapping his arms around my waist, and I threaded my hands through his thick hair. “I don’t have enough of you to spare, Phoenix. It’s all I can do to get a morsel of your time when Caleb is here—or not here.”
As if on cue, my phone rang from somewhere in the distance. Sebastian gripped me tighter when I attempted to stand with the intention to race for it. “You’re horrible at setting boundaries. Another child and I’d have to resort to tying you up and tossing you into my trunk just to get some time alone with you.”
“I might like being kidnapped by you,” I said, cupping his cheeks and dropping a kiss on his forehead.
“No,” he said with remorse, getting back to my reason for being there. “I’m too selfish to give you what you want, Phoenix. Plus we’re both so busy as it is.”
“Caleb wants a sibling—”
“So let his mother…” He trailed off with a curse directed inward. “I’m sorry.” The apology wasn’t for me, but for Emily, who deserved one whether she was there to receive it or not. She couldn’t have any more children. Caleb was a miracle that shouldn’t have happened to begin with. And sure, she could have gone the surrogate route, like I had more than once suggested we do, but if he wasn’t going to point that out, then neither would I. Because it wasn’t only about what Caleb wanted. I wanted a baby under our roof. I wanted a baby who would be ours.
“Phoenix, I hate not giving you what you want—”
“So give it to me then. Danny and Jules already agreed.” My best friend and his wife were heaven-sent. Jules hadn’t hesitated to offer her help when I’d mentioned wanting another kid, even though she and Danny had been about to have their own when the conversation had come up.
“I can’t, Phoenix,” he stressed tersely, before exhaling and pressing his lips to my frown, lingering there when I refused to open up for him. He flopped back in his chair. “My grandfather is gone. I can’t lose anything else right now. I can’t lose you. Please.”
I nodded, understanding where his fear came from. For decades, everything Sebastian had obtained by choice had been taken from him by force. By his father, or his need to please his father. It’d taken love and a deep dive into his past to rid him of his irrational need to sink his claws into me as if something or someone would try to rip me away.
And now, losing his grandfather, who he’d only re-established a relationship with right before Caleb was born, had set Sebastian back some years. Set us back some years. It rattled his newfound notion that he deserved happiness, a belief that had taken space and therapy to obtain, leaving me to weather the storm of his relapse.
Not to mention the midlife crises I suspected he was at the beginning stages of. Sebastian and I were passionate and never needed an excuse to have our hands on each other, but there’d been an edge and a desperation to our lovemaking lately that hadn’t been there before. It was like he had something to prove to me, but even more to himself.
“I love you, Bash,” I said.
“And my love for you has no end,” he whispered. I smiled down at him as he hauled me onto his lap.
I’d just gotten his shirt off—our kiss turning needy and primal as he cleared his desk with a hand and slammed me onto it—when his cell phone rang. The ringtone was set to “A Father’s Love,” confirming the caller was Caleb.
Sebastian drew back, his heated eyes searching around the mess we’d made to find his phone. Finally locating it on the floor beneath a folder, he answered in French, with a smile reserved solely for his son. “L’air que je respire,” he said warmly. The air that I breathe.
Caleb was learning the language, and in turn began teaching an eager Sebastian. It was something just for them, and I was more than happy to stay out of it. Languages made my brain itch.
From the dopey grin on his face, and the tent deflating in his pants, I knew our time had come and gone. I fetched my shirt from the back of his chair as he held the phone away from his ear, chuckling as an exuberant Caleb rambled on and on loudly.
“Yeah, he’s right here,” Sebastian said, but didn’t hand me the phone. “I’ll let him know. See you soon.” Sebastian hung up, slipping the phone onto the desk and buttoning into his shirt.
“Well?” I nudged. “Are you going to tell me what had him so riled up and you so damn giddy?” I motioned toward the upward curve of his lips, unable to keep a lid on my own grin.
“Caleb’s coming over to watch a French film. It’s a homework assignment.”
“What ever happened to just basic multiplication and division? He’s only in the third grade,” I complained. “I’ll get the popcorn—”
“Ah, that won’t be necessary,” he replied, adjusting his collar. “He told me to tell you this is just for us, because you don’t take French seriously.” He might as well have stuck his tongue out for all the childish preening he was doing. “His words, not mine,” he said, hands held up.
I rolled my eyes before laughing and admitting, “I love seeing you like this. I love seeing your love for him.” There’s room for more, I wanted to say. There’s room in your heart for more.
“For once I get to be the favorite.” He lowered his head to mine. “And fair warning, I plan on rubbing it in all week.”
“Thanks for the heads-up,” I said, stealing a kiss just as the doorbell rang unnecessarily, and the front door went careening into the wall behind it. “Our new neighbor is here,” I said. Emily and Caleb had always lived close by, but when the house next door went on the market, we suggested Emily snatch it up. I loved how we’d been able to blend our family from the start, always putting Caleb and his needs first. She and my mother had even become close friends, and her husband and Sebastian barbecued over beers often in the summers.
“Make yourself scarce,” Sebastian said into my lips before playfully tapping my ass, and then dashing for the hall to greet our kid.
I straightened Sebastian’s paperwork, then passed the kitchen on my way to the bedroom, trading a conspiratorial wink with Caleb, and thinking back on our conversation from the previous day.
“Dad’s sad,” he’d said. “He misses Great-Grandpa.”
“We all do,” I’d said, wrapping my arms around him. He nodded solemnly into my chest. ”What do you think we can do to cheer him up?”
“I don’t know.” He’d shrugged, peering up at me with navy blue eyes that were identical to his father’s. “We could make him a cake?”
“We could, but I think he’d like some quality time with you even more.”
“Oh! We can watch Le Chat et la Souris together.”
I’d had no clue what that was, but it sounded like a great plan and I’d said so.
I left them to their fun, showered, and cozied up in bed with a good book. The sun hadn’t fully set yet, but I’d been working on meeting my thesis deadline while also teaching three classes this semester, not to mention how active Sebastian had been lately.
I must have drifted to sleep at some point, because I woke to the feel of Sebastian prying the book from under my cheek.
“That imprint is going to be there for a while,” he said, smoothing his fingers over my face from where he sat near my bedside.
I snickered drowsily. “How was the movie?”
“Turns out his teacher left it up to the class to choose the film they wanted to watch. Something about trust building and learning to make appropriate choices,” he said wryly.
“Uh-oh, was it at least rated PG?”
“Yes, at least. He fell asleep near the end. I carried him home and got him tucked into bed.” A beat of silence passed, and his amused smirk faded. “I got home from work earlier and you weren’t here. I wanted you here. I wanted you.”
“Sebastian,” I whispered, running a finger over his lips. This insatiable need of his to have me in his sights, to have me in his office, in our kitchen, in our bed… It needed more structure, more rationality; it needed to make sense for how our life was set up now.
Pulling over to the side of the road on our way home from work so he could fuck me from the back seat because he couldn’t make the short drive home, while fun, wasn’t coming from a healthy place. It needed to be addressed before becoming problematic.
He’d showered, and I sifted my hands through his wet hair, paying special attention to the graying edges. A drop of water sluiced past his temple, thinning before being absorbed by his stubble. Would he ever not be sexy?
“I know,” he said. “I made an appointment with Dr. Evans. He wants me on his couch tomorrow.”
“Good,” I said, scooting over so he could draw up closer to me on the bed.
Sebastian closed his eyes, leaning over me and covering his mouth and nose with my palm, breathing me in. “I’m sorry,” he said into my hand, his words vibrating down my arm. I skated my other hand along his bare chest, sending a shiver through him.
He’d stoked a fire in the bedroom hearth, which told me he’d had no intentions of going to sleep anytime soon. I knew if I raised my head from the pillow, I’d see his journal and glasses resting on the small table next to his wingback chair that faced the fireplace.
“What do you need?” I asked, the flames behind him a pale backdrop to the inferno already burning inside him.
“You’re exhausted,” he said, brushing a stray curl off my forehead.
“I’m never too tired for you.” I peeled the blanket off me, and his sharp intake of air as he surveyed my nudity caused my cock to thicken in the span of a heartbeat.
“I’m sorry,” he said again, because he planned on fucking me, even knowing I’d had a long day and had an even longer one ahead of me. He would fuck me anyway, and he was sorry for it, but his need to possess me overruled his compassion, his good judgment, his own obvious exhaustion, and that knowledge was enough to make my now steel dick weep.
“Don’t be sorry, Sebastian. Just fuck me.” I grabbed two fistfuls of his hair and roughly guided him down my body until his mouth hovered hungrily over my cock. He licked at my wet slit before nursing from the tip. “Fuck,” I gritted through clamped teeth, letting my legs fall open.
He stood abruptly, causing my saliva-slicked crown to crash into my navel. Urgently, he kicked out of his bottoms, balls swinging with the action, then glared down at me, mouth glistening and slack, as he stroked his massive erection.
My own mouth watered, and I wanted to leap up and take him as close to the rear of my throat as I could, because I’d never get him in all the way. But instead, I slithered to the center of the bed. I did so tentatively, coyly, maintaining that innocence Sebastian loved. The one that made him feel a little dirty for enjoying it, but a lot turned on. At twenty-seven, my features were still soft enough for me to pull it off. I had a feeling they’d forever be.
“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” I whispered, shivering.
Sebastian lost his stride at that, and a heartbreaking vulnerability clouded his eyes as his cheeks pinkened. “Yeah?” he asked.
“You only get better with age, Bash. Not a day goes by that I don’t give thanks for your body,” I said, because while his heart and his mind were the true work of art, it was the superficial beauty he needed to be reminded of right now. “I scroll through your pictures on my phone every time I have a break in my day. I jerk off when you’re not near, to thoughts of your big cock rolling in and out of me, making me whimper. It was like that in the beginning, and it’s an even more dire need now.” I tugged on my hair, spine arching off the bed. “Sometimes it feels like I might combust, like I might die from my craving for you. How does it feel to know you’re the only one who’s ever had me?” I opened my legs wider. “That you’re the only one who’s ever been here,” I said meaningfully, breathlessly, and his gaze flew to my hole. “And the only one who ever will?”
Sebastian swallowed, the hand on his cock at work again. “It makes me feel powerful,” he said, stepping closer to the bed. “Makes me feel like a king.”
“You are a king, Sebastian. My king.”
He groaned, and I didn’t fight the warm flush that stole over my face when I spread myself impossibly wider, knees drawn up while making small circles with my hips. Sebastian loved my shyness, which was a good thing because it was a side of me I could never fully shake. “Tell me how you want it,” he demanded, his voice giving way to a violent quiver, his fist so tight around his dick, pumping the purpled head so vigorously, it was a wonder he wasn’t in pain.
He opened my nightstand drawer, fumbling the whole thing in search of lube, the contents spilling onto the floor. Bottle in hand, he poured a generous amount over his cock before handing it over to me.
“I want it…” I faded off on a swallow, hesitating for his benefit and to slip a slicked pinky inside of me. “Hard. I want to feel you all week.” I tucked my bottom lip between my teeth as I slid the second smallest finger on my hand into my tight, resisting hole. I didn’t want to be too ready for him, even though there was no such thing.
“Don’t take it easy on me, Sebastian. Don’t ask me if I’m okay. Don’t ask me if I can take more. Just give me all of it.” I peered at his dripping dick, entranced by the rhythm he’d built, the sound of his slickness as he worked himself over, every muscle in his broad body flexed and jolting from his efforts. “All of it.”
“You’re not ready,” he panted when I removed my fingers instead of inserting a third. We’d had sex last night, but it wouldn’t matter. One day or one year without Sebastian’s cock in me yielded the same results. Each time was like the first time, and it’d take fucking myself open with my whole hand to be fully prepared for him. And maybe not even then.
“I want to feel the burn,” I said bashfully. He released himself, breathing heavily and taking me in, lying there in the center of our king bed, writhing impatiently on top of the silk sheets.
Precum tumbled down the angry length of him, and without warning, he snatched me by the ankle, hauled me to the edge of the bed before gripping me at the hips and lifting me completely off of it.
I had just enough time to secure my legs around his back before he impaled me. “God!” My whole body seized, and we both stopped breathing. Sebastian grazed his nose against mine, his silent way of asking me for direction or permission. “I said not to ask.” I fisted his hair until he cursed from the sting of it.
“I love you,” he growled.
“Then fuck me. Now,” I ordered, all traces of innocence and feigned insecurity gone.
Sebastian whipped me up and down his shaft while crashing into me like a wrecking ball, his hands digging into my hip bones hard enough to bruise.
Our bodies grew sweaty from the fire, both external and within, and while it became difficult to cling to his sweaty skin, his hold on me never faltered.
“Look at me,” he said, and I loosened my bite around his strong shoulder to meet his lust-filled gaze. My teeth battered my lip, cutting the skin and drawing a hiss from me. Sebastian’s tongue darted out to catch the drop of spilled blood.
I felt his cock everywhere, as if it had spread wings inside of me, fluttering along every nerve with each lethal thrust upward. It took sheer will to keep my eyes open, to keep them steady on him, when all they wanted to do was roll and close. “Jesus, you’re beautiful like this.”
“Li-like what?” I stuttered, clamping my teeth together to keep them from shattering on impact. My heels slipped on his lower back, and I dug them in harder.
“Mouth plump and pink, cheeks rosy, eyes glazed over,” he said, groaning when I clenched around his hardness. I was so turned on by his words, by his description of me, and by my debased reflection in his eyes.
My cock beat against my belly, my precum soaking my abs, and I needed to touch myself badly. “I’d kill and die a thousand times just for this, Phoenix.”
I savagely attacked his lips, biting his tongue in my frenzy and drawing blood. Sebastian hefted me off his cock with a roar, leaving me gasping for air as he flung me onto the bed like my weight was insignificant in the face of his need to devour me. Crimson and spittle stained his lower lip.
The slap of my hard, sensitive cock against my corded stomach stole my breath away as I bounced on the mattress, and my hole violently spasmed from the sudden loss of him.
Bash was on me and in me before I could recover, the force of his reentry shooting me backward, my head hanging off the side of the bed as I cursed his name from the mix of pain and pleasure.
“No sleep for you tonight, Phoenix,” he said apologetically, fucking me like he wanted to break through the other side of me.
“O-okay,” I stammered, trying and failing to keep up with his pace. I raked my blunt nails down his back. “Touch me, please,” I begged, wondering if that would even be necessary because my dick was so primed and ready, my balls so tight and high that they were likely to explode on their own.
“No,” he whispered, eating up my whimper. He sank fully on top of me, his palm cupping the back of my skull, allowing me to relax my neck. Shaking free of his mouth, I kissed the tears stored at the crooks of his eyes, the salty beads sliding down my throat as more moisture built around his beautiful blue eyes. Overcome with emotion, his hips faltered.
“I-I can’t—” he began.
“Shhhh,” I whispered, taking charge and rebuilding the tempo. He quickly skimmed us lower on the bed, my ass never losing one inch of him in the process, his strides never breaking in his attempt to fuck me into oblivion.
The firewood crackled as it burned its way to ash, and I wondered if my body would make it there first. The heat of the flames made us hotter and hornier, and tossed shadows off the ceiling.
Over the course of the night, Sebastian fucked me with my knees pressed to my ears, perspiration pitching from the tip of his nose as he watched his dick plow in and out of me. The wet sounds coming from where we were joined was lewd. “You’re so pink, my love,” he crooned, his eyes wide with amazement as if mesmerized by the act of my hole accepting everything his fat cock had to give. “My mouth will be there next,” he vowed.
He then flipped me over, fucking me on all fours, his fists planted into the mattress on either side of me, his body caging me in as his teeth fastened to where my neck and shoulder met, pinning me in place for the rough dicking.
Sebastian fucked me until I orgasmed untouched, until I shouted I couldn’t take anymore.
“You can and you will,” he said, voice pulled tight as a strung bow as he breathed harshly at my ear. His pelvis slapped loudly against my ass, one, two, three times before he stilled, his teeth gnashing together as he poured into and onto me endlessly.
Tapping his cock against my ass cheek to transfer the last bit of cum onto me, he then massaged his mess into my skin, kneading and spreading me.
“Sebastian,” I pleaded, my arms giving out, my chest crashing to the bed as he caught what trickled down my trembling legs before gently stuffing it back inside of me.
He tugged me to the foot of the bed, my face dragging along the sheet. With my ass still in the air, I got to my forearms and lifted my heavy head sluggishly to gaze over my shoulder at him. Sebastian spread my cheeks apart again, his tongue darting over his lips as lowered to kneel on the carpeted floor.
I cried out when said tongue met my sensitive flesh, and he proceeded to rim me so thoroughly I could no longer see or breathe straight. Sebastian sucked, licked, and ate me clean—as promised.
The last thing I remembered, as my hands pillowed my cheek and I drifted off to sleep, was him reentering me as he whispered from above, “Sleep now, my love. I’ve got it from here.”
The following day, Sebastian and I took Caleb over to Danny and Jules’s house for a play date with their neighbor's son. They were classmates, and while we hung out on their enclosed back patio, the boys ran back and forth between the adjoining backyards.
It was the first time we visited since their daughter, Olivia, had arrived. We’d visited the hospital after Jules gave birth but wanted to give them a few weeks to adjust to having a newborn in the house before barging over.
Caleb and Scott ran and dove onto the mountain of fall leaves Danny had raked into two big piles in his backyard, tossing the autumn colored leaves into the air and whooping with excitement.
“You’re so good with her,” Jules said from her chair adjacent to Danny’s as I paced with a sleepy Olivia on my chest, gently rubbing circles onto her back. She’d been crying hysterically when we showed up, and Jules and Danny both looked like they were at their wits’ end.
“He was the same with Caleb,” Sebastian said, setting his drink down on the table separating them. I kissed her tiny head, inhaling that new baby scent as her breathing slowed, her drool seeping through the thin receiving blanket I’d placed between her and my chest.
“Yeah, well, we’ve got a spare bedroom if you’re in the mood to do us a solid and move in,” Danny said, sweeping a hand through his too long hair. Neither of them looked like they’d gotten any sleep in days, and they could both use a shower too.
Sebastian, whose chair I’d worked my way closer to, laid a possessive hand on my lower back in response to Danny’s offer.
“Easy, tiger,” Danny joked, noticing Bash’s reaction. “You’d still get him on the weekends.”
They all chuckled, and I would have too, but I had a sleeping baby in my arms, and I planned to keep her that way. I nudged my head toward the inside of the house, letting them know I’d go lay her down in the nursery. Jules nodded gratefully.
I couldn’t bear to let go of her yet, so once inside, I sat on the rocker next to her crib and just held her, closing my eyes and imagining that she was mine, and that I’d get to do this every day and night. But Sebastian wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to think he never would be.
After too much time had passed, and the threat of a search party coming to look for me became a real possibility, I placed her in her pink, canopy crib and backed out of the nursery.
At the patio doors, I took a deep breath, converted my frown to a smile, and rejoined my husband and friends.
Sebastian immediately turned as if he’d sensed my approach, and when I was close enough, he took my hand, drawing me down to the seat pushed close to his.
He leaned into me, cupping my face and running his nose along my hairline then ear. “I missed you,” he said, pulling back, taking his time to memorize my features. He didn’t forget that we weren’t alone. He never forgot. He just didn’t care. Sebastian would take time out of any conversation he was having, with whomever he was having it with, to love and dote on me. It was once embarrassing, because people would gawk until he was done with me, but I grew used to it. Craved it, even.
“You two are so clingy,” Jules said dreamily before shooting Danny a look that asked why he didn’t treat her that way.
Danny shook his head at us. “You two are bad for my marriage,” he said. That set off a round of laughs from all of us before Bash excused himself to the restroom.
Jules waited until he was out of earshot to lean into the table and ask, “Have you talked to him again?”
“He won’t agree,” I said, knowing she was referring to her willingness to be our surrogate, even after just having a baby of her own. I thought back to the day she’d made the offer.
“I enjoy pregnancy,” she’d said. “I know not everyone gets to experience it, so I don’t take it for granted. And we love you, Phoenix. Let us do this for you guys.”
“Why not?” she asked, shaking me from the flashback, but I stayed quiet. It wasn’t something I could quickly get into while Bash was off taking a piss.
“Because he’s obsessed with you and doesn’t want to share you with one other person,” she concluded on her own, then side-eyed Danny again.
He sighed, scowling at me. “Moving forward, this house is a no PDA zone for you two,” he said.
“I personally think it’s romantic,” Jules said, swooning hard. “The way he stares at you—”
“Is creepy,” Danny cut in. “He watches him like he wants to eat him.”
It was true, I thought. And chances were Sebastian did want to eat me every time he glanced my way. The feeling was mutual, though. Over six years later and we still couldn’t get enough of each other's company. We were inexplicably codependent and wouldn’t change a thing.
“Is that what you want?” Danny asked her, ignorant to the heat rising in me, to my need to seek Sebastian out and have him bend me over their bathroom sink. “You want me to eat you?”
“Well…” Jules started, a wicked smirk sliding into place.
Danny swiftly realized what he’d asked and gasped, scandalized. “Not in front of the children,” he admonished, even though Caleb and Scott were having too much fun to pay attention to our adult conversation.
Jules wacked him in the arm, and he grabbed her into a headlock, giving her a quick noogie before kissing the pain away and releasing her. My shoulders shook in amusement as she righted her mop of auburn hair.
Their relationship was more playful than ours. Sebastian and I were intense, opposing atoms drawn to each other, and every word Sebastian uttered to me dripped with sensual intent.
A low whine came through the baby monitor sitting on the table, and we all froze. “Is she waking up already?” Jules asked in a hushed but terrified tone.
“I’ll check on her,” I said, feeling bad for them. Jules held a hand up as I pushed up from my seat.
“Wait a minute,” she said, and we all listened carefully, Danny and I exchanging a look, and it was clear we weren’t hearing whatever she was. And then I heard it, Sebastian’s voice in the nursery. He must have heard her after he was done in the bathroom. I gingerly lowered to my seat as Danny and Jules inched to the edges of their seats, eyeing the monitor like it was a ticking time bomb.
“Coucou jolie petit bébé,” Sebastian crooned, and Olivia’s restless cries calmed. There was rustling over the connection as if he’d picked her up. “Do you know how lucky you are?” he whispered to her. “You have two parents who love you dearly, and your mother is a gem. And although the hairy ogre could use a bath and a shave, I suppose he’s a good person too.”
Jules laughed into her hand while Danny gave the throat slitting gesture to the hand held monitor before sniffing his armpits.
Sebastian quieted, and Olivia grew cranky again. “It’s okay,” he said, and she cooed. “I’m still here.”
I was reminded of how patient he used to be with Caleb whenever he was sick and irritable as a baby. He never once became frustrated or overwhelmed. He’d just hold him and talk to him until he calmed down.
Sebastian exhaled, and I could picture him sitting in the rocker, contemplating life as he stared down on her as she lay nestled between his big palms. He’d gotten some of his best thinking done when gazing at Caleb.
“He wants one just like you, you know,” he said, and I straightened from where I too perched at the edge of my seat. Jules’s eyes flew to mine.
“Caleb took so much of our time—and I’m not complaining,” he said to her. “So don’t judge me. But even with Emily taking half the responsibility, Phoenix and I got lost somewhere throughout those early years. A big part of who we were to each other got lost. And really, when have we had the luxury of simply being together?” he asked her. Olivia made a chuffing sound in answer.
Sebastian was right. He had been my new AP philosophy teacher when we met in my senior year of high school, and then there was Emily—who he'd been unhappily married to. Our relationship at the time was one big forbidden secret shrouded in terror of being caught.
He’d also accepted a position at Denwin University for the following fall, so he was my professor once I started my freshman year there, again posing another challenge and need for us to be apart. And even once the universe aligned so that we could be together, there was beautiful baby Caleb, who we loved dearly and would never regret. But there had always been something more important than us to deal with, to put first, even if we made it a point to never neglect each other.
Caleb was more independent now, in some ways at least, allowing a little breathing room, but now we were also facing the results of Sebastian’s grief over losing his grandfather, and his silent battle with feeling like he was aging out of our relationship. The combination of it all had him clinging to me tighter, not wanting anything else to get between us.
“My heart isn’t happy when he isn’t, Oliva,” he said in such a hushed tone, my head knocked into Danny’s as we both folded closer to the handheld monitor.
“Ouch,” he mouthed, rubbing his forehead.
“I am nothing without Phoenix. I can barely breathe when he isn’t in my arms or in my vicinity.”
Across from me, Jules’s eyes watered. Or was it mine viewing her through an ocean of rising tides?
“But I am even less than nothing when he isn’t happy,” Sebastian added. Olivia had gone completely quiet now. Either she was asleep, or was stuck in a Sebastian Wicked trance. It was hard to break free from those once ensnared. “Maybe having another one of you wouldn’t be so bad,” he said. “Fiona. I’ve always loved that name. Fiona would have his curly hair, and his inquisitive stare, and his rosy cheeks. And then I would have the pleasure of loving two of him. That wouldn’t be so bad, would it?” It was all crickets from Olivia’s side.
Sebastian began singing the same lullaby to her that he’d sing to Caleb to get him to sleep. It was a song about a boy and his love for the sun. Bash would often call me his ray of sunshine.
The three of us were a mess by the time the song ended, and flailing fools trying to clean our faces and look cool by the time Sebastian’s footsteps sounded in our direction.
“Yeah, so that’s why crocodiles hate peanut oil,” Danny said, like a full-fledged moron.
“That’s what you come up with?” Jules muttered under her breath at him, rolling her eyes.
Turned out we didn’t need a cover story, didn’t need to pretend we were busy not listening in on his conversation with their daughter, because Sebastian wasn’t focused on anything but getting to me.
I stood to meet his intensity, not sure what his intentions were, but knowing I had to brace for it. He kissed me hungrily, as if my essence was the nourishment he needed right then, right now. I fisted the back of his shirt as he crushed himself to me, opening and letting him have his way with my mouth because I was no match for him when he got like this.
Danny cleared his throat, and the boys laughed and played in the distance, but none of it could override this moment with my husband. Nothing could break us when we were together like this.
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian said, laying light kisses along my nose, cheeks, and closed eyelids. “I’m sorry.”
“A man who admits when he’s wrong,” Jules said pointedly, drawing our attention to her.
“Get out,” Danny deadpanned to me and Bash, nudging his head in the direction of Caleb. “Leave the boy here and go.”
We laughed hysterically, Danny begrudgingly joining in after a beat. Sebastian pecked me on the lips, lingering closely, his breath brushing my mouth. “Can I take you home?” he asked.
“Definitely,” I said.
Once home, we all pitched in with dinner, then fell asleep tangled up in each other in front of the TV. I woke to the credits rolling on the movie we’d been watching, then shook Bash lightly before carefully lifting Caleb from the sofa and tucking him into his bed.
Sebastian was no longer in the living room once I returned, and he wasn’t in our bedroom either. Figuring he may be in his study grading papers, I decided to take a hot shower.
I felt him before I saw him. The buzz in my veins that told me he was close, the reckless pumping of my heart, and the shallow breathing that precipitated it. The anticipation of having my husband near, and what that may mean for me. It never got old. Our want and love for each other didn’t thin with time. If anything, it only got bigger.
Strong hands splayed over my ass cheeks, palming them possessively, separating them roughly. I kept my head and eyes lowered, letting the spray of hot water beat down on me. The peaks and valleys of Sebastian's chest met my back, his pectorals brushing the nape of my neck, and I was reminded of how larger than life he was. How much he overwhelmed and overpowered me. I was reminded of how much I liked it.
“You’re already clean,” he said, a little disappointed, and I smiled.
“You took too long,” I said, my voice echoing in the large space.
He hummed at the back of his throat, his finger skimming down my cleft. “That just means I need to get you dirty again.” His exploration halted when I stiffened and winced. “You’re sore,” he said, apologetically, and before he could work himself up into a guilt-frenzy, I spun, moving us so that he now stood under the showerhead, then I soaped him up with my hands, paying special attention to his curved cock.
“We can’t,” he started, but I quieted him with a soapy finger to his lips.
Once the suds were rinsed, I guided him to the marble shower bench in the back corner. “Sit,” I ordered, lowering to my haunches once he obeyed.
“Fuck,” he swore, his head falling back as I palmed his hot, veiny cock. The human body was an amazing, mysterious thing, because I couldn’t for the life of me explain how I was able to accept him inside me time and time again. “One day, getting this immediate type of response from me won’t be easy,” he warned me sadly. “I’ll be old, and you’ll still be—”
I tightened my fist, shutting him up, and dragging it to the top of his cockhead before twisting just the way he liked. “Look at me,” I said tenderly, and his head fell forward. “This is not the most important part of you.” I stroked and twisted as I spoke. “Your hair, your body, your eyes… While I love them all, they are not the reason why I love you, Sebastian. I love you for your heart, your sharp mind, for the way you love me uninhibitedly, and the way you make me feel priceless and irreplaceable.”
“Because you are, mon amour,” he said, speaking his nickname for me in French.
“That,” I said passionately, cupping his balls with my other hand as he hiked a foot onto the bench to give me greater access. “That is why I love you, and that won’t change with time. Your heart will always be the same, and it will always be mine, and mine will always be yours. Please believe me, Bash,” I begged as he listened even as he began to move. He looked unsure, like he wanted so badly to believe me but his brain and his fear wouldn’t allow him to.
Maybe the trick wasn’t to try and convince him that he wasn’t getting older, but to prove to him that he was still young. I’d have to come back to that thought later. Right then I was on fire as Sebastian’s large, naked body undulated before me.
He dug his heel into the bench and used a hand to brace the wall next to him for added leverage as he rocked into my palm shamelessly. “Do something, Phoenix,” he breathed, and I could tell by the hitch in his words and the way his testicles fisted in my palm that he was close.
Without build up or thought, I held his hip still as I took him as far into my mouth as humanly possible. I gagged repeatedly, which never failed to stroke his ego and raise the bar on his arousal, and by the time he erupted moments later, his cum shooting down my esophagus, tears stained my cheeks. “Get it all down, my love,” he said gravely, his ass clenched and raised off the seat as he held the back of my head while spilling down into me. I humped the air savagely, gagging and groaning, the tile bruising my knees.
Sebastian’s fingers loosened in my hair, and I reared back, breathing heavily as his dick popped free of my mouth, a thick, milky white bead of cum slid languidly down his glistening tip.
I fell to my ass, hands thrown out behind me to break my fall. My nostrils pumped wildly, additional tears fell from my eyes, and Sebastian was content to sit on his throne and watch me struggle for air at his feet. I was a mess. Sucking his cock always left me this way, which was of course why he loved it.
“Breathtaking,” he whispered, his gaze moving from my feet, which were planted flat on the shower floor, to my spread legs, to my solid cock, and past my trembling arms and heaving chest all the way to my hooded eyes. “Come,” he said. “I want you to see what I see.”
He helped me up, then led me by the hand over to the sink where he cleared the fog from the mirror with his forearm. I stared at myself as he ran his lips up and down the column of my neck.
My sandy curls were wet and tight. My powder blue eyes were too bright, frantic even, and watery. Tear tracks rode my cheeks, cutting through the ruddy flush sitting just underneath the skin, and my lips were swollen, their hue closer to red than pink. I looked like innocent, erotic chaos. And when Sebastian stood tall to face me in the mirror with a loaded smirk, it was clear his role in this was the devil. My devil.
He spit in his palm, never taking his eyes off me, and I gripped the edges of the sink and inched my legs further apart in preparation for his hands being on me. “Promise me this doesn’t change,” he said, coming in fast and hard on my cock, jerking me off with purpose. “Promise me your love for me won’t change if I give you what you want, Phoenix.” There was anger there. In his tone, in the way he was punishing my body so perfectly. I wasn’t sure what the anger was about until suddenly, it hit me.
I’d been about to call it off, because what good would this endeavor be if he wasn’t excited about it. If he was pissed off about it. But then the hardness around his jaw softened, as if he knew where my thoughts were heading, and his eyes turned pleading, even as his hand worked me with the same enthusiastic tempo. Sebastian wasn’t angry, he was…scared.
“I promise,” I said brokenly, and he closed his eyes, resting his mouth on the top of my head. “Fuck,” I bit out, opening my mouth in preparation to scream through my climax.
Sebastian clasped his other hand over my lips, holding in my shout so I wouldn’t wake Caleb. I came into the bowl of the sink, splintering into tiny pieces.
Afterward, I crumbled in his arms. He held me up with an arm across my chest, and I watched transfixed as he scooped my semen from the basin and licked his fingers clean.
“Let’s go to bed, my love,” he said. “I need to hold you.”
Sebastian dried me off and retook my hand, guiding me to our bed. He pulled the covers back before getting in and gesturing for me to follow. I used his outstretched arm as a pillow, and he hauled me impossibly closer to him, his flaccid cock pressed into my back, a leg thrown over my hip.
I lay there, listening to his breathing slow to a whisper before I allowed sleep to take me, and right before I fully succumbed to the darkness, Sebastian spoke into my ear, “Yes, Phoenix,” he said softly. “My answer is yes.”
Thursdays were my short work days, with only two classes on my roster. I typically took advantage of that by collecting Caleb from school and having some alone time with him over pizza or ice-cream, but Emily would be picking him up today for dinner with her in-laws.
Checking the time on my phone, I realized Phoenix’s class would be letting out soon, and he had a forty minute break before his next one. That left enough time for us to grab a bite from the university cafeteria.
Years ago, when Phoenix was an undergrad student, I’d resigned from my position at Denwin University so that we could be together. I could no longer be without him, and after being caught kissing by a fellow student, I had realized that having my dream job wasn’t so much of a dream if I couldn’t have him, too.
But we were married now, and there were no laws against us working together, so as soon as a position that fit my qualifications opened up, I’d returned.
Standing in front of Denwin Hall, I debated texting Phoenix to let him know I was on my way but slipped my phone back into my pocket and took off at a brisk pace toward the other side of campus. I had a good ten minutes before his class let out and he disappeared, and I’d much rather surprise him.
I made it with five seconds to spare but stopped short at the entrance to the lecture hall. Aside from Phoenix and a male student speaking near the lectern, the hall was empty. He must have let class out a few minutes early today.
My intentions were to remain unseen, out of the way until they were done talking, but then my husband, who I only had a rear view of, laughed, and his student smiled shyly, shifting awkwardly as he ran a hand through his unruly red hair.
That smile felt all too familiar, taking me back several years to Denwin High when Phoenix would look up at me like that from his desk near the front of the class.
My back stiffened, and I was crossing through the door and heading straight for Phoenix before giving it thought. My expression must have been grim, because the young man spotted me first, blanching before taking a tentative step back.
His reaction caused Phoenix to turn, his furrowed brow instantly smoothing away when he saw me. A split second later, a knowing grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Bash,” he said in greeting as I pulled him into me with a hand to his lower back before laying a kiss on his lips.
“Hello, husband,” I said in response, but with my head now angled at the wide-eyed student watching us, my reply landed more as a warning.
There was some lingering guilt behind how my relationship began with Phoenix, and sometimes it mixed with my insecurity surrounding our age difference, because while we were both aging, Phoenix was the only one of us who could be considered young. I sometimes feared he’d find someone closer to his age, someone he connected to more, someone who wasn’t as stuck in their ways and possessive of him. Someone like…a student. “I’ve missed you.”
“You saw me a few hours ago,” he said amused, forgetting that we had company, and didn’t that just boost my ego. I had, in fact, seen him a few hours ago. I’d had him a few hours ago, too, before leaving separately for work. We’d woken up in each other's arms, smiling blissfully as we recalled what I’d agreed to before we’d fallen asleep the night before.
“Are we really going to try for a baby?” he’d asked, yawning as I brushed his hair back from his face.
“Yes,” I’d said, wanting him right then, but knowing I’d been asking a lot of his body ever since the passing of my grandfather and since the fear of me losing Phoenix began consuming my every waking hour. The former reason caused my chest to ache, right then. The latter made me want to take Phoenix on the nearest surface.
“We should celebrate,” he’d replied, huskily before sliding a hand below the sheets to encourage my cock awake, and I didn’t hesitate in giving him what he wanted.
A throat cleared, echoing off the walls of the cavernous hall, reminding me we weren’t alone.
“Oh,” Phoenix said, backing away from me. “Did you need something else, Stephen?”
“No, ah, just thought you’d get a kick out of that,” he said, and I assumed that was whatever Phoenix had been laughing at when I got here. “I’ll see you Monday.” He nodded to Phoenix, then me on his way to the door.
“Don’t forget to download the lecture notes you missed this week in preparation for the test,” Phoenix said.
“Sure thing,” Stephen called back as he made his escape.
“What?” I asked innocently once we were by ourselves, and I was faced with my husband's scowl.
“You know exactly what,” he said, but his words lacked heat, which told me I was mostly okay.
“No, I don’t,” I said, backing him into the podium. “Why don’t you tell me.”
Phoenix swallowed, and when I laid a possessive hand on the side of his neck, his pulse beat erratically against my palm. He stayed quiet, because to address my jealousy would mean he’d need to also acknowledge how much he loved it, and there was no fun in that, so he’d pretend he didn’t notice it, as always. “Nothing,” he said eventually. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be on your way to get Caleb.”
I stepped back, giving him space to breathe and to pack up his satchel. “Emily’s in-laws surprised them with a visit. They’re all going to dinner. I thought perhaps you and I could grab a quick bite before your next class.”
“I’d love to,” Phoenix said, then frowned disappointedly. “But I’m actually meeting Mason at the coffee shop right off campus, and I’m currently…” He checked his watch. “Two minutes late. That's why I let the class out early.”
“Mason?” I asked. Not because I didn’t know who he was, because I remembered his high school crush on Phoenix all too well, but because he lived ten states away, and now I was finding out that as of this minute he was actually less than a few thousand feet away.
“Yeah, some last minute trip for work. Thought he’d surprise Danny and me. I guess everyone is full of surprises today,” he joked in reference to my surprising him here, and Emily’s in-laws popping into town. “Danny can’t make it for coffee. He’s out scouting locations in the city for his next film, but we’re all meeting up tonight for drinks. Kind of to celebrate him visiting, and us trying for a baby.” With his satchel now slung across his chest, he hit me with the full strength of his magnificent baby blue stare. He was so happy. “You should come.”
“No,” I said, my heart warming from the sweet gesture. “You should enjoy your time with your friends. I’ll be home waiting for you.” I deepened my tone, infusing it with a promise before dipping to kiss the side of his neck. All I’d need to do is pull his shirt one inch to the side to reveal the hickey I’d sucked on to his skin that morning. “I’ll walk you out.”
He laced his fingers through mine, and we were off.
Later that night, I lounged on the sofa—wearing the flannel pajamas Caleb had gotten me last Christmas—with my feet propped up on the coffee table when Phoenix appeared from the hallway leading from our bedroom. I dropped my feet to the floor, sitting straight up and hitting mute on the television remote.
“Do I look okay?” he asked, circling in place with his arms held out at his sides.
“Do you look okay?” I asked, slightly panicked. “You look indecent.”
Phoenix was around 5’10 to my 6’5, but his legs accounted for most of his height. They were long and defined, and currently being strangled in a pair of ashen-black jeans so tight I would’ve bet my life he’d been forced to go commando.
He’d blow dried his hair straight, something he rarely ever did, and had pulled the strands into a tight bun at the top of his head. The style forced his normally rounded eyes to slant, making his jeweled stare come across as sexually inviting. He topped the look off with a vintage rock band muscle-tank, the ones with arm holes cut low enough to display the ribcage.
He faced me, smiling as if my comment had made his night. “Feels weird going somewhere other than work, or dinner at Applebee’s with you and Caleb. I wasn’t sure I had anything nightclub appropriate in my closet.”
“Nightclub?” I asked stupidly. “I thought you were going out for drinks.”
“Yeah, at a nightclub,” he said, and I could have sworn I heard an edge of teasing in his tone.
“Not dressed like that, you’re not.” I sounded like someone’s father, and never had I felt our eighteen year age gap as I had then. I stared down at my dad-pajamas, and suddenly a wave of sadness hit me. Had I gotten too comfortable? When was the last time I walked around the house in nothing but a pair of tight boxer briefs? Or nothing at all?
I maintained my physique with a consistent workout regime, although most of it came down to good genetics, but when was the last time I wooed my husband and not just tossed him over my shoulder like a caveman, and then fucked him on the nearest wall or piece of furniture? “I mean, you look nice,” I amended, then sniffed the air. “You…smell good too.” I narrowed my eyes when his smile turned smirky. Was he trying to make me jealous?
“Thanks,” he said, and I twisted on the couch, following his advancement on the front door. “We’re going to Club Rush,” he said, plucking his long wool coat from the coat rack and sliding into it. “I shouldn’t be home too late, but don’t wait up.”
“Wait,” I said as he turned the doorknob. I prowled toward him purposefully, yanking his coat and the collar of his flimsy shirt aside before latching my lips onto the small bruise on his neck with the goal of making it so obscene that anyone within a fifty-foot range of him would know he was spoken for.
I held him with a hand to his nape and the other on his ass as his back bowed, adding teeth to the mix to ensure my claim on him could be spotted in the dark like a beacon, and act as a repellent to anyone who got any bright ideas.
“I think the wedding band on my finger would’ve sent the same message,” he said after I released him. shrugging his clothes back in place.
“Jewelry can be removed,” I explained, then added, “Don’t make me have to come looking for you, Phoenix.” He turned on his heels, but not before I spotted that damn grin again.
I lasted an hour before I hit the shower, shaved, and was in my closet combing through my clothes like a lunatic for something appropriate to wear. I settled for a pair of dark jeans equally as tight as the ones Phoenix wore, and a thin, white Henley that hugged my biceps and pecs like a glove. I hitched the sleeves up my arms, exposing the light dusting of hair on my forearms, and gelled my hair back. Grabbing off the kitchen counter, I was on the road and at the club’s front doors before I could talk myself out of it.
My plan was to find Phoenix and his friends and pretend that I was bored and so I decided to take him up on his earlier invite to join them. Seems plausible enough.
I’d circled the dimly lit club twice, squinting to see beyond the dance floors strobing lights, but had yet to spot any of them. I was beginning to wonder if I’d heard Phoenix correctly when he’d said Club Rush, but then over by the bar, a man of Phoenix's height and build, sporting a top-bun, stood with his back to me as he kissed someone perched on a bar stool.
I charged over, knocking into a few passing patrons as I went, until I was close enough to haul him around by his arm. It wasn’t Phoenix. “Sorry,” I said, releasing him immediately and feeling shaky. “I thought you were someone else.”
“No need to apologize, Daddy,” he said, speaking loud enough to be heard over the heavy base infused music. He traced a finger down my arm.
Daddy? I thought. Could this night get any worse?
“What took you so long?” a pleased voice asked over my shoulder.
I whirled around, and Phoenix stood there, drink in hand staring up at me like…like he’d been waiting for me.
“I was bored, figured I’d take you up on your earlier offer to join you all,” I said, speaking into his ear, playing it as cool as I was capable of. The scent of vodka hit my nose, and I wondered how many drinks he’d had already. I righted myself, and Phoenix knocked the rest of his drink back, then set the glass on the bar, flagging the bartender down for a refill. He appeared loose, confident, and sinfully young and sexy.
He called me in close again with a crook of his finger, and like a string being tugged I leaned in. “You’ve never been a good liar,” he said, and my heartbeat quickened from a jog to a sprint. I peered around us, buying me time to get my thoughts and excuses in order, noticing I still didn’t see Danny and Mason.
“Where are your friends?” I asked.
Phoenix shrugged. “Danny’s home with Jules and the baby, and Mason should be home by now, too. We caught up over coffee, but he had a flight to catch.”
“Was never about them, Sebastian,” he said, digging cash out of his wallet and tossing it down on the bar before downing the two shots that had been set in front of him. He held up two fingers at the bartender, and then pointed to me.
“So you put on this ridiculously sexy outfit just so I could sit home and imagine Mason—and every other man in here—gawking at you, possibly seducing you, in order to get a night out at a club with me?” I asked. I felt young and foolish, and it surprisingly felt…good.
“I did it because we needed it. Because you needed a reminder of how young and viral you are, and because you need a reason to wield your power over me, and a reason to claim and conquer me other than simply because you have my permission to.” He teased my nose with his. “My husband has a need to win me, to prove he still can, and to affirm the hold he has over my heart. And I need all those things just as much as he does, because they fucking make me hot for him. Hot for you, Sebastian.”
He pulled me even closer by my hair, and I was reminded of how arousing Phoenix could be when drunk enough to be bold without shame. It’d been a while since that side of him came out to play. Maybe we did need this.
“Every now and again we need to feel alive in a different way. And pretty soon nights like this, nights when you make me feel like this, may be hard to come by,” he said.
“And how do I make you feel, Phoenix?” Bodies jostled us, drink orders were shouted over our heads, and the DJ had increased the volume on the music. None of it interrupted what we had going on standing there. None of it penetrated our love.
“Owned,” he said seductively. My whole existence revolved around loving and owning him. The two went hand in hand, but tonight added a bit of spice to it. Added a bit of unpredictability and infinite possibilities. We were breathing new life into us, and remembering who we were at our core once responsibilities and the outside world were stripped away. Two men insanely obsessed and addicted to one another. Two men who didn't give a damn who understood or approved of it.
Phoenix desired me, and he only had eyes for me. I could see it and feel it, and I was a fool to think that would ever change. “Tell me what you want, Phoenix. Right here, right now.”
His tongue darted out, licking across the seam of my mouth, and I inhaled sharply as his arms circled my neck. “I want you to dance the night away with me, and then I want you to take me into a bathroom stall and fuck me like you don’t give a damn about me, Bash,” he purred.
“And then I want you to take me home, slip back into your comfy flannel pajamas because there’s something sexy about a man who fucks like a monster, and then sleeps in baggy plaid. And you’ll hold me until we fall fast asleep in each other's arms,” he said, dropping a kiss to my jaw as I listened—truly listened—and believed every word he said, and shared in all of his wants. I did my best to not release all the emotion I’d kept pent up for the last two months. That would come later because a release was in order, and Phoenix would see me through it.
“And in the morning,” he continued, and I chuckled down at him, never wanting him to stop. “ I’ll make pancakes as our son blasts through our front door, reminding us of how lucky we are to have him. And then we’ll drive to work together because our schedules align tomorrow, and we’ll debate philosophy and colors for the new nursery. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No one else but you, Sebastian. Can you handle all that?”
Two shots appeared on the bartop near my elbow, and I downed both before cupping his warm cheeks in my palms. “With you by my side I can handle anything, my love.”
Phoenix backed away, the crowd near the bar parting for him as he ventured for the dance floor, tugging me along with him. Once there, I lifted him by the hips, and he wrapped his legs around me, disheveling my hair further as we kissed and rocked against each other. Too soon we were breathless, and he slid down my body, pivoting around to grind his jean-clad ass on my cock as we moved to the rhythm of the pulsing beat under the red, flashing lights.
The night ended how he wanted it to. A dirty, spit-lubed fuck in the very public restroom where he screamed my name above the squeaky rattling of the stall walls he white-knuckle gripped, and the thunderous slapping sounds of our bodies colliding wetly together. It was filthy, erotic, and done with complete abandonment, and total disregard for whoever walked in.
Low whistles and catcalls came and went sporadically from the other side of the stall door, acting as tinder to our already uninhibited, raging fire.
Someone drunkenly asked if they could join in, another wanted to watch, but joining and watching was where I drew the line because Phoenix was mine, and I’d never been good at sharing, and no one got to witness him like this but me.
I fucked him with the full, brutal force of my strength, sending him to his tippy-toes as I struck at his gland repeatedly and unrepentantly. “This tight ass belongs to me,” I growled while jerking him off over the toilet bowl. Phoenix whimpered, reaching one hand back to fist the short hairs at my nape as he came, littering the porcelain seat with his seed.
I withdrew from him, spinning him around and sending him to his knees just as the first rope of cum launched from my slit. Tugging his head back roughly, I painted his sweaty face with it, holding and aiming my dick like a hose, making sure he was covered in me.
I stumbled back a step once my balls had emptied, blinking the perspiration from my eyes as I breathed laboriously down at him. Someone could be heard washing their hands at the sink, and I vaguely registered the music filtering into the restroom as the door opened, letting someone new in.
Phoenix watched me through hooded eyes, the lump at his throat bobbing around a swallow as my cum ran like tears down his flushed cheeks. A pearl of it pitched off his jawline, landing on the hickey covering one side of his neck, and he shivered.
His soft cock rested along the open zipper of his unbuttoned jeans, which were partially down, revealing the thatch of trimmed curls surrounding his base.
He was completely undone, and I feared I’d need to carry him out of there, but still I stepped in closer, needing more from me. It was the addict in me.
I dragged my softening erection over the mess coating his eyelids, then across his sweet blush, and down to his cum stained lips. “Open up, my love,” I whispered, and he did so obediently. His quickened breaths fanned my shaft, raising goosebumps along my body as he closed his mouth over the sensitive flesh, carefully sucking it clean.
“I love you,” he said emotionally, staring up at me like I was some god.
I’d fucked him like I didn’t care about him, and now it was time to reset things. Helping him to his feet, I kissed him as if it were a dying wish, tasting myself on him. “Let's go home,” I said, pulling back to brush a thumb over his tears. “Because now I need to show you how much I love you. I need to hold you.”
We showered the night off once we arrived home, and then I tongue fucked his asshole as he keened, grinding his hips onto my mouth as he held tight to our headboard.
Afterward, I slipped out of the flannel PJ’s in preference of his bare skin against mine.
I kept my arms and legs secured around him all night until we were swimming in each other’s sweat, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Good morning,” I whispered down at him the next day when the sun rose in those pale, blue eyes. “Time to make pancakes, my love.”
2 Years Later
“We’re never gonna get to play with her, are we?” Caleb asked. We stood at the doorway to the nursery watching as Sebastian made a fool of himself, using every trick and silly impersonations to make Fiona smile. He’d been in there all day with her. I’d only gotten to feed her a handful of times since we brought her home a couple weeks ago. Sebastian had been hogging all the parental duties.
“No, I don’t think so,” I said wryly to Caleb, crossing my arms and shooting daggers at Sebastian’s back. He stood over Fiona’s crib, holding her in his palms as he moved through his list of nonsensical things that always made her day.
Jules and Danny couldn’t have been happier to find out that Sebastian had finally agreed to try for a baby. We’d decided to hold-off on starting the process in order to give Jules more time to enjoy baby Olivia before tackling another pregnancy.
We held off on telling Caleb until she had gotten through the first trimester without any issues, but he’d been ecstatic, and so had we.
Biologically Fiona was mine, but that didn’t matter to Bash, just like Caleb’s parentage hadn’t ever mattered to me. We loved our kids, and that was the end of it.
“Dad,” Caleb moaned to Bash. “Can I hold her now?”
“Sure you can,” I said before Sebastian could answer. He scowled at me, clutching Fiona to him like a football as I advanced on them. “Unless you want to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life you will hand that baby over right now, Sebastian,” I said under my breath as an excited Caleb rushed to the rocker near the window.
Reluctantly, he passed her off to me, and I couldn’t help but to laugh at his heartbroken expression. One night I’d woken up to find his spot next to me cold, and I’d found him humming to her as she slept, a hand brushing lightly over her curls.
“I can’t believe I didn’t want this,” he’d said, voice thick with emotion. “I can’t believe I didn’t want her.”
I knew his micromanagement of Fiona’s needs, and his helicopter behavior. came from a place of guilt. It was like he thought he had to love her harder, and more than everyone else loved her, to make up for not wanting her from the start.
“It wasn’t her you didn’t want, Sebastian,” I’d said, closing in behind him and rubbing his back as we gazed down on her. “You didn’t want a baby. It’s not the same.”
“If she ever learns that I was against having another baby, she’ll think I was against having her.”
“No, she won’t,” I’d argued vehemently. “Because she’ll see how much you love her, and there will be no doubt how much she’s wanted by you.”
“You’re damn straight,” he’d replied, my hand falling from his back as he scooped her out of her crib, marched to our bedroom, and then placed her in the bassinet stationed on his side of the bed.
Caleb telling me to hurry snapped me out of the memory, and my heart swelled as I moved slowly with her to where he sat. “Your daddy’s a crazy man,” I cooed to her. “Yes, he is, Fi-Fi.”
“I can hear you,” Bash said, and without taking my eyes off her, or altering my baby speaking voice, I said. “I was hoping you could.”
Caleb chuckled, extending his grabby hands as I got closer. “Yeah, Dad. You’re insane.”
Even Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh at that. I placed Fiona in her brother’s arms, instructing him to pay special attention to her head, then I backed up to where Bash still waited by the crib, leaning into his side as we watched our two miracles get to know each other better.
“Should we try for one more?” Sebastian asked, and I jerked my head up at him.
“What? She doesn’t even have all her shots yet, and you’re ready to fast-track another one?” I felt around his forehead for signs of a fever. Sebastian peeled my hand away, kissing the center of my palm.
“I’ll take ten more of you any day,” he said gently, making my heart melt. She did look just like me. Her curly hair was a sun-kissed blonde, like mine had been as a kid, and she had my eyes.
“Let’s enjoy them for a while,” I said. “See how it goes, and then take it from there.”
He nodded, and then the doorbell rang. I snickered. “Grandma’s here.”
“Which means Emily will be arriving soon,” he said.
“Those two are joined at the hip,” I said. Ever since my mother learned about Sebastian and I, and then Caleb, she and Emily had become the best of friends.
“Are you ready to share your daughter with them?” I asked. “Or will I need to put you in time out?”
“I’ll do my best.” he sighed dramatically. “I’ll steal her from Caleb while you get the door,” he said, sounding a little too eager to wrestle her back from her brother.
4 Years Later
“Dinner’s ready—” My words lodged in my throat as I entered Fiona’s bedroom to find her and Sebastian sitting around her miniature table set having high tea. Her dolls joined them in the other three seats.
Bash looked ridiculous folded onto the small plastic chair, which was seconds away from collapsing under his weight. But what threw me off guard was his face.
“Fiona,” I chided, stepping into the room. “What did you do to your dad?”
She sat unfazed by my shock, pinky finger in the air—the one she had Sebastian wrapped around—as she sipped her imaginary tea. Sebastian did the same, hiding his grin behind his pink Cinderella cup.
Fiona was a petite thing with fine limbs. Her huge mane of curls and sparkling doe eyes were the biggest thing on her. She was girly to her core, often insisting on wearing her feather boa, the glittery one tossed around her shoulders now, to preschool. And she couldn’t care less about philosophy.
“Fiona,” I said, in a tone that meant I was waiting for an answer.
“What?” she said, setting her cup down and shrugging, her tiny hands out to her sides, palms up. “He likes it. He said it brings out the gray in his hair.”
“Yes it does, sweetheart,” Sebastian said, and I choked back the laugh bubbling up. He was more gray than not now, and in true Bash style, it made him even sexier. Although, he wasn’t looking all that sexy right now.
“You’re right,” I said, fishing my phone from my pocket. “And I think we need a photo of this. You know, so Fiona and Caleb have something to look back on when they’re older.” It was the same excuse Sebastian used for taking photos every spare second of the day.
“Well, maybe we don’t need a photo right now,” he said, trying to unhook the purple tutu he wore around his waist.
“Oh no, we so do,” I said, pulling up the camera app. “And don’t smile. I want to make sure we get the full effect of the lipstick and coordinating orange eye-shadow.”
He glared at me, and I snapped away, losing my hold on my laughter.
“Wait!” Fiona cried, standing and rushing to her toy chest. “We have to get some with his tiara on.”
“Oh yes,” I said. “How could I forget the tiara?”
“Here,” she said, climbing on top of the table to reach Bash’s head. “You get the big one with all the pretty jewelry on it because you’re a queen.” She clasped her hands together, happy with her glam job, then kissed his nose before scurrying off the table and shouting, “He’s ready!”
“Smile, Queen,” I said, my belly aching from all the laughter. One picture turned into two, then ten, and before you knew it we had a whole photo shoot going on, and enough blackmail material to last me a lifetime.
“Smile, Dad,” Fiona said from my side. “Aren’t you happy we’re taking your picture?”
“Of course, sweetheart,” Bash said, before smiling tightly and pointing a glare at me that promised retribution.
“I think you can do better,” I said, and Fiona agreed, directing him on how he should smile. If I was going to be punished for this later, I might as well make the most of it.
The front door opened and slammed shut, saving Sebastian from another hour of torture.
“Caleb’s here!” Fiona squealed, running off to greet her big brother. For all the hard work Sebastian hard put in over the years, Caleb was her favorite human.
“Dinner’s probably cold now,” I said, shoving my phone back into my pocket. “I'll reheat it while you get yourself cleaned up.”
Sebastian rose to his feet, tutu and tiara firmly in place. “You know you’re going to pay for this later, right?” he said, advancing on me until my back met the light switch on the wall.
“Gladly,” I said, raising to the tips of my toes to meet his kiss halfway. “I love you, Bash. I love that you’re willing to do anything she asks of you, and I love that you set time aside every night for the things Caleb loves, even when you’re exhausted. And I love that you never make me feel neglected. Or that if you do, you more than make it up to me once the kids are in bed.” I wiggled my eyebrows. “I love our life.”
“I love you too,” he said, bunching my hair between his fists. “But it won’t buy you mercy tonight.” He kissed me as if needing to quench a thirst, and all I could do was take it.
“Ew,” came a little voice from the doorway, and I broke from the kiss to stare over at Fiona. Caleb stood behind her, arms crossed.
“You two kiss too much,” he said. “Come on Fiona, let’s go before they start kissing us.” And that was exactly what we did. I launched myself at Fiona, grabbing her up, and kissing her silly as she screamed in girly delight. And Sebastian caught Caleb, placing orange lipstick kisses all over his cheeks and forehead as he wriggled in his hold, pretending to hate it.
After dinner, Sebastian helped Fiona with her bath and bedtime routine, Caleb went over to his mother’s for the night, and I tackled kitchen cleanup while fantasizing about all the wicked things my husband could possibly have planned for me tonight. Except once I’d turned out all the lights and entered our lamplit bedroom, Sebastian was fast asleep, softly snoring, the new journal I bought him laying open on his chest.
I removed my clothes, tossing them in the hamper, then crept over to his side of the bed, watching him sleep for a few minutes before giving into my need to fan my fingers through his thick hair. He caught my wrist as I pulled away, sluggishly opening his eyes.
“I’ve been waiting for you,” he said.
“You’re such a bad liar.” My shoulders shook with silent laughter. “You’re tired, and you’ve got a faculty meeting bright and early. Go back to sleep.” I removed his glasses and picked up his journal, laying them on his night stand.
“No,” he said. “You promised me nothing would change between us if we grew our family, and whether it was said aloud or not, that promise went both ways. And so, I’m going to make love to you because being inside you will always be more important than sleep. More important than whatever meeting I may have scheduled the following morning. More important than any deadline I may need to make. That I promise you, Phoenix.” He peeled the covers off him, reaching into the front opening of his boxers to slip his cock free. He was already half-hard, but needed an extra push to go all the way. I’d help him with that.
I removed the lube from his bedside drawer, making a show of pouring it onto my palm before taking him in my hand. He moaned softly, closing his eyes in concentration.
“Get on top of me,” he said, once he was ready.
I handed over the bottle, then climbed onto the bed, straddling his hips. I kept pumping him as he reached around me to spread one ass cheek to the side so he could open me up.
I shamelessly rode his thick fingers until my body begged for more, then I scooted higher, lining his erection up with my needy hole.
“Have I told you how much I love you?” he asked with reverence. I carefully lowered onto him until fully seated, pausing at the bottom to catch my breath.
“All the time,” I said, because he did. Sebastian never missed an opportunity to love me, to make me feel loved, to make me feel like I was his whole world.
“I’ll never stop telling you, my love.”
“Promise me,” I said, starting the excruciating but pleasurable process of riding his cock. He pinched at my hardened nipples, and I dragged my blunt nails across his scalp as I rode his dick from tip to base.
“It’s the easiest promise I’ll ever have to make.” He said it like it was an oath, and not for the first time I wondered how I’d gotten so lucky.
I bent over, kissing him, pouring all of my love into it as my hips began moving urgently.
Sebastian’s desperation met my urgency, exceeding it even, until we were battling thrust for thrust, rocking the bed as we otherwise fucked in near silence.
When it was over, I fell on top of him, burying my nose into his neck as he swallowed me up into a hug.
“We’ve got four months until baby number three arrives,” I said, once my heart rate leveled out. “Are you ready?”
“With you by my side, I’m ready to take on anything,” he whispered. His arms tightened around me, and he flipped me to my back before dropping soft kisses onto every inch of me available to him.
I love my life, I thought, closing my eyes and accepting his warm affection, my heart bursting with gratitude. And I love this man even more.